


If Only

by ohstardustgirl



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: AU: everybody lives, F/M, FIx It, Finally tackling the elevator scene, First Kiss, Rebelcaptain - Freeform, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-02 06:36:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11503797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohstardustgirl/pseuds/ohstardustgirl
Summary: A fix-it: "If Only", as in "If only Krennic had never went to the data tower, how different things could have been."How Cassian and Jyn would have survived Scarif, and what would have happened after.





	If Only

They climb. 

Their shoulders ache and their hands burn by the time they reach the top, and the opening and closing vent almost seems laughable compared to what they’ve already made it through. Jyn leads the way, and Cassian holds his breath until she is safely through. _It’s because of the plans,_ he tells himself. He’s been telling himself that since they jumped. 

He follows, and the daylight hitting his face feels like a betrayal to K2, in pieces in the dark control room. The droid will be gathered up and scrapped, his programming examined and used to stop men like him from creating droids like that in the future. Cassian’s heart sinks a little further. K-2SO would rather have had been blasted into nothingness than return to Imperial control. _Not now, mourn later. How disappointed would Kay be if you let sentimentality distract you now?_

When he climbs through the hatch Jyn thrusts the disc into his hands and nods at the control panel: _realign the satellite_. He catches the determination on her face, eyes narrowed, she looks like a wolf on the hunt with her blaster out as she stalks to the end of the platform. He pulls out his own pistol and takes up station at the control panel, eyes trained on her at all times. 

Cassian jams the disc into the slot, not wanting to waste a second. Once the satellite moves Jyn looks back to him, and she’s beaming with joy - as if her need has suddenly exploded like a firework, something burning into something beautiful. Happiness and hope bloom in his chest but he swallows them down. _Later,_ he thinks, _if we make it out of here I’m going to kiss that woman even if it burns me alive._

 _Transmitting. Transmitting. Transmitting._ The computerised, feminine voice of the control panel repeats like a mantra, like forgiveness for everything he has done. He’s so focused on Jyn that he almost doesn’t see the fighter until it’s too late and he shouts her name as it fires.

He lurches forwards, for a long moment he can’t see anything through the smoke. The computer still speaks, no damage there and the plans will still go out but _Jyn, he can’t see Jyn._

And then there she is, clinging to the broken railing alive and fighting and she reaches for him as he reaches for her. He pulls her up and into his arms, and she’s alive against him, her hands claw at his shirt as they roll on to the platform.

“Let’s go,” he says with his lips against her neck as she hiccups with joy, “It’s done.”

 

—————————————————————————————

 

 _What do we do now,_ she thinks, but the words won’t come, her voice is trapped in her throat. It doesn’t seem to matter, doesn’t seem to have ever mattered with him: he knows what she wants to say and she can see understanding in his face.

She wants him. She’s wanted him for days, and the weight of it tortured her on the shuttle that brought them here because that was the first time she could really spare to think about her own needs, what she wanted before she died. 

“We might not get off the planet.” He says in a low, hoarse whisper. His face is open, just _Cassian_ now, soft and human and raw. His dark eyes catch the strips of light between each floor. “If there’s a shuttle, if we can get past the blockade…”

There’s no need for them to be standing so close in the elevator. There’s space for ten men yet they are pressed against each other as if there was no room to move. But she can’t help but lean against him even without exhaustion to blame, her hands on his chest, flush along the line of his body. There’s no need for his hand to be on her hip, for his other hand to be on the back of her neck, tilting her face up to him. 

Jyn slides her hands up his chest and around his neck and pushes herself up on her tiptoes. If they are going to die here, then she is going to take something that she wants, something that no one can take away from her. One kiss, a first kiss, from a good man with a good heart who knows her real name.

His lips feel wonderful beneath hers and her heart sings as he reciprocates, as he pulls her closer against the length of his body with a sigh. There is nothing between them, not a single shaft of light, and her breath catches in her throat and her entire body trembles as his tongue teases hers. She has kissed and has been kissed before, but only ever in lust, no one has ever touched her in affection because of who she is rather than what she is. There's never been a man or woman that she has trusted enough to expose any more than just her body to. Cassian has more than earned that trust and in that blessed, shining moment she prays to the Force that she will live to see another day dawn with him by her side.

Much too soon, the elevator stops. They part, press their foreheads together and breathe each other in as the doors slide open. 

Hand in hand, blasters primed, they step out into the sunlight.

 

—————————————————————————————————

 

The battle is dying out overhead, only a few X-wings still dance along the skyline. The smell of burning fuel and metal and trees fills the air, tinged with salt water and sand. Cassian takes a risk and taps his comms, calls out for someone, anyone still alive.

The silence sends ice down his spine, like he has been thrown into the frozen lakes on Fest. As they walk, pistols raised, he recognises some of the bodies, others are turned away or damaged beyond recognition. 

He glimpses the red of Chirrut’s cloak near the control panel. The ship on which they landed here is a smoking wreck and Bodhi’s channel is dead, without even the false hope of static.

They wait, they search, and still no one answers.

“There’s a ship!” Jyn shouts, and he sees the Imperial U-wing on the landing pad. He sees her heart break as reality hits, her face falling and the light in her eyes growing dull. “We have to go. We can’t wait.”

He nods. He knows. It feels wrong, a captain leaving with no crew left alive. He’s supposed to be the one who goes down so that his team could live. He allows a brief moment to consider other options then puts the thoughts of mourning away - there will be time later, there is always time for his mind to replay the horrors of his missions. _I’m so sorry,_ he thinks, _it will be worth it, I swear it will be worth it._

Whoever the ship belonged to, they were more than just a ‘trooper or a squad leader. It’s a compact transport but plush and clean and well-stocked, Cassian is in no doubt that they have just stolen from a high-ranking officer. He throws himself behind the controls as Jyn straps herself in to the co-pilot’s seat. It’s a newer model than the familiar old thing that crashed on Eadu but it’s much the same, the Empire never being much for reinvention when something is effective. Adrenaline tells him to them out of there fast, but experience keeps his head calm: it’s not his first time hiding behind the controls of an Imperial ship and he follows the flight path they would be expected to take. Hiding in plain sight will get them further than racing to disappear. He pulls up the flight logs, scans for useful information.

“Cassian,” Jyn hides the shake in her voice well, “what are we doing?”

The comm comes to life. “Shuttle U-K334, respond. Where are you going?”  
“We have Director Orson Krennic on board,” Cassian responds, pulling the name from the flight records. “Returning to Imperial battle station designation: Death Star.” 

There is silence for a long moment. Jyn’s eyes are wide. Cassian doesn’t mind the silence, it buys them time as their ship keeps moving towards the edge of the atmosphere. Once there he can make the jump to _anywhere_ but here.

“The Death Star has just fired on your location. I advise haste on leaving the planet. Please be advised that Governor Tarkin wishes for Director Krennic to report to him immediately.” 

“Understood.” Cassian answers, and closes the line of communication. Jyn has already unbuckled herself from her seat and is at a viewport at the back of the ship, hand clasped over her mouth.

Cassian doesn’t give in to the temptation to join her and look back. He can already feel the shockwave through the controls, nowhere near as close as it had been on Jedha. 

He doesn’t want to see. The tears in Jyn’s eyes are enough.

He punches the ship to hyperspace as soon as they break the atmosphere.

————————————————————————————————————————

“It’s too risky to go back to Yavin IV right now,” says Cassian, and Jyn understands. They need to ditch their shiny Imperial ship and find something more low-key before he will risk taking them to any of the rendezvous points or other bases. 

They land on Takodana, on a part of the planet that is completely uninhabited. It will take a day’s walk to reach Maz Kanata’s castle. 

“We can trust her,” Cassian promises, “as long as we don’t bring the Empire to her door.”

He sweeps the ship for trackers as soon as they land, and she helps by packing up anything remotely useful: medical supplies, rations, tools. 

Jyn slept on the shuttle, briefly and restlessly, Bodhi and Chirrut and Baze and the others haunting her already. Exhaustion hangs around both of them like a shroud. She wants a shower and a proper bed and a good meal, things she hasn’t had since the first time she was dragged to Yavin IV against her will. She doubts anything will rid her of her current grief, of the wretchedness in her bones. Cassian looks tired, like he needs the same things she does, and he still grabs her hand when the path gets tough.

It’s late when they finally reach the castle, late enough that the tavern has cleared out bar a few desperate creatures. Maz is still up though, sitting on a stool at the bar as if waiting for them. She looks them both up and down, adjusts the focus on her goggles, and tuts loudly. 

“Cassian,” she huffs as she grabs Jyn’s hand and pulls her towards a waiting table, already set with water and food. “What trouble are you and this little star in?”

———————————————————————————————————————————

Maz gives them one room, after she has forced them to attempt to eat and drink something. It at least has a fresher - with warm, running water - and Jyn watches as the grime of the last few days flushes down the drain. She stands for a long time with her forehead against the cool tile until her legs give out and she has to pull herself back up to standing so she can dry herself off and clothe herself in whatever overlarge shirt Maz tossed out of her storage for her.

There are two decently sized beds close together. Cassian sits on one, stripped of his shirt in the humidity of the castle, toying with a communication device he begged from Maz as soon as she was willing to listen to him. She catches how his gaze runs over her - bare legs and one exposed shoulder, hair dark and dripping - as she sits opposite him. But there’s a crease in his brow and worry in the hard line of his mouth, something like shock in the glassiness of his eyes.

“Cassian?” She knows she won’t want to hear what he has to say, can read him that much already. What else can they possibly take away from them?

She sees his throat bob as he swallows. “They used it again, Jyn. It wasn’t just a city this time.”

It’s as if she has swallowed ice. She feels sick, feels her hands tremble as she tries to clutch at the bed clothes.

“It was Alderaan,” he whispers, “the entire planet is gone.”

Everything narrows down to the beating of her heart. She has no words for this. She wonders briefly if it’s selfish of her to feel sorry for her father in that moment, more so than the millions and millions of men and women and children who are nothing but dust in space because of his creation. 

She must be silent and still for too long, because Cassian drops to his knees in front of her and grasps her arms, his fingers digging in hard to her flesh as he shakes her back to reality. Everything that had narrowed down to inside of her suddenly expands outwards into more feeling than she can process, into grief that claws at her gut and tightens around her heart.

She falls to her knees with him, and sobs until her throat is raw, with Cassian’s arms around her.

When words finally come back to her, he is holding her in one of the beds with his hand soothing up and down her back.

“It wasn’t enough,” she says against his chest, “we were too late.”

——————————————————————————————————————————

Two more days pass.

Jyn is a ghost, pale when awake and tortured when asleep. She doesn’t want to leave the room, and so Cassian brings her food when he thinks of it, and otherwise spends his time with the communicator trying to pick up frequencies only a select few people on the galaxy know. He needs something, anything, to prove that it wasn’t all for nothing.

He slips into bed beside her and holds her when the nightmares get her. It helps to keep his own away too. The warmth of her body and the scent of her hair as he kisses her forehead ease his guilty soul.

Maz knows. She always knows, and he’s never asked why, she’s too useful a contact. But she doesn’t press any time he appears down at the bar for food or water. Instead she pats his hand and tells him to trust the Force.

He doesn’t think he ever believed in it until Jyn. How could something worth believing in be so cruel to so many?

When he comes back to the room after fetching them a bottle of gin, he sees Jyn sitting cross-legged on the bed with the radio in hand, tears making her eyes shine.

But she’s smiling, as bright as she had on the tower on Scarif, and his stomach swoops at the sight.

“Cassian,” her voice breaks around her smile, “it’s gone. The plans, they - it _worked_.”

He pauses as the door shuts behind him, something like joy tainted with grief filling his chest. 

She smiles even brighter. “The Death Star is gone. It was exactly like my father said.”  
His legs give out as he reaches the bed, landing him beside her. He takes the radio from her hands, listens to the chatter, recognises the codes.

_It’s true._

The one good thing he wanted to do, the one thing that made all his horrible deeds worthwhile, has been a success. The monster is gone.

Jyn laughs through her tears, and he joins her, laughing harder and burying his face in the crook of her neck when she throws herself at him.

When Maz gave him the bottle of gin, she had said “I was saving this for a celebration, you know.”

They don’t let her down.

———————————————————————————————————————————

They stay at the castle for a few more days, while Cassian is finally able to take the risk of reaching out to talk to the Alliance instead of just listening to them. He is able to arrange a ship that will take them to a rebel outpost.

For once, Jyn doesn’t mind being trapped so much, not when Cassian finally kisses her again, full of passion and hope and lust. They fall into bed for more than just sleep, mapping each other with hands and mouths. Curled warm and naked together Jyn thinks she is finally home, she has finally found something else to fight for.

“I don’t want to be alone anymore,” she whispers against him in the dark as their heartbeats slow and the sweat cools on their bodies. “I don’t want to run anymore.”

“I don’t want to give you any reason to,” he responds, kissing her fingertips. “Come _home_ with me, Jyn.”

She props herself up above him, straddles his hips, and kisses him fiercely after saying, “I already am.”

**Author's Note:**

> *ahem* I've been drunk writing again, but at least I'm on holiday this time. Hastily written and posted, apologies for errors.


End file.
